Im lucky to have him..
Why?
●Dulu merengek nak tengok Maze Runner 3 & sampai merajuk marah2 dia sbb tengok citer tu dulu ngn kwn.. sbb dh plan nk tengok ngn dia. Maklumlah LDR nak jumpa pon 3 bln sekali..
Then masa jumpa dia ajak tgk wayang. Biasanya pergi beli tiket sama2 tp haritu dia suh tunggu kt kerusi dia pergi beli tiket. Dia dtg & hulur tiket tengok2 "MAZE RUNNER" OMGG
rasa excited gilerrr.. bnyk kali tnye kenapa beli ni.. kenapa x citer lain.. dia ckp sbb "awk ckp awk nak tgk kn", "citer ni best, sy nk tengok lagi"
Tapi the fact is because of me.. sbb dlm tu dia tak tengok.. dia tidur huhu.. Thankss terharuuu
●Dulu selalu ingatkan dia before nk konvo, ingtkn bnyk kali dgn harapan dia free kan haritu sbb ingt nak jumpa dgn dia.. & always ayat dia "tengok lah klau tak busy" sbb I'm sure he is busy sbb dia involve dgn HARUM which is designer fresh flower untuk konvo.. so probability untuk jumpa tipis.. & dia selalu ckp dia takde duit nak bagi pape masa konvo & always bgtahu dia.. "sy taknak pape, sy nak awk dtg je".. tp hari kejadian dia ckp blm tentu boleh lari dari booth sbb ramai org.. then mcm give up.. tp tup2 lepas dh keluar dwn, dia dtg bwk bunga.. terharu senyum sampai telinga.. k thanks sekali lagi untuk tu..
●Dulu dekat dia selalu busy, meeting, studio mcm2 lagi.. sampai nak jumpa pn ada limit masa.. tapi ada sekali tu dia ade kelas & dia ponteng kelas sbb masa tu tgh lepak & ada manusia merengek ckp x puas lagi lepak.. tp end up aku yang busy nak hantar tesis untuk hardbound & dia tunggu jee.. ye sorry sbb buat awk ponteng kelas & membazirkan masa haritu.. baik awak pergi kelas je..
● Baru ni nak beli tudung kt fesko sbb dulu pernah beli tudung yg sama & best gile tudung tu.. susah nak jumpa tudung tu kt lain. Then mintak dia belikan tp dia ckp "tengok la kalau pergi" then selalu push dia smpai dia mrh & gaduh.. lama pastu then fesko dh start dh mmg give up dh mmg tahu x dpt tudung tu.. tapi tetiba mlm tu dia ckp nk tudung ape sbb dia kt fesko.. dia belikan.. rasa cam happy gila.. sbb dia ingt lagi.. berjoget kot kt bilik sbb happy.. Thanks
Sebenarnya banyak lagi cuma kdg sedar tak sedar je effort dia.. biasalah perempuan. Selalu nampak dia betul, selalu nak menang.. 👉👈
Kalau tengok bf org lain sweet2, belikan macam2, bawak mkn tmpt2 best, show off gf kt insta.. Best kan? Rasa nak camtu jugak tapi dia tak mampu buat camtu.. dia tak sweet, x bagi hadiah, kalau keluar makan pn kitorg bayar sendiri2 & makan tmpt yg biasa2 je, gmbr aku pn 2-3 keping je kt insta tu pn aku paksa dia upload.. it is enough actually.. sbb pe? Sbb ape yg paling penting he already make me smile.. always buat aku gelak & happy sepanjang keluar, try hard untuk buat aku happy.. For me he still the best & I love him.. Dia sweet dengan cara dia..
Hye Azril Adnan.. ye ini tentang awak 😊
Monday 30 April 2018
Sunday 8 April 2018
Depression
Not many people are up this late so just gonna drop some rants and stuff.
I was bullied a lot during high school
Got harassed a lot by people who are stronger and much popular than me. If its not physical, its mental. I was bullied verbally much more than physically. I don't have bruised and shit. But I will lie on my bed at night and think of all the insults thrown at me. This is what fucks me up.
That's why I start to involve martial arts. Don't want to look freaking weak infront of people & wanna them to stay away from me. Thought I'd change their mind once I got selected for school team. Nope, never.
It doesn't help that all my 'friends' from back then are toxic as hell. I was in their circle just so I can be the butt of the joke. You want to make fun of someone? Make fun of this girl. She's just gonna smile and not retaliate coz god kid y u no stand up for yourself. I've been in many fuck up situations.. even wonder why me?
I still remember how all the boys keep harrasing me even I never ever get involve with them. I wonder why they hate me so much even they could destroy my table at class, stealing my albums, & even sending weird message and stuff. Is it because I'm ugly??
My others friends? The other girls? Spreading rumors that pointing me as a bad girl. U know what most broken of me is.. all my batch during that time ignore me and left me out. Yes if you all read this my highschoolmate, you are one of them. And whoever you are calling I'm your bestfriend during that time, you're the most bitches among them. You are the one who start & blame it all me. Stabbing me.. shitttt now I realize all those things & I will never ever forget it..
Anyway, I can feel that they still think I am a freak. They all look at me funny; like they gave me this judging, disgusted look. So I will always have this voice in my head telling me that I am unwanted. Years of bullying crushed my self esteem. Ppl try to convince me they are cool having me around but sorry if I don't trust you. For those think why I'm being silent after highschool, because of that.. I hate my highschool, because all of them are fake as hell (not all of them). You look all off things during that time like a joke isn't it? Nope its not a joke at all..
It makes me overthink a lot. Mainly about other people's perception of me. Do they think I am weird? They're badmouthing me is it? Are they joking when they include me in their circle?
I can relate. I only realize about healthy friendship only during my degree's years. Only then i realize that people dont judge me solely on how i look.
Sorry this is depressing. But it feels good to let it out sometimes. I'm good now.
I was bullied a lot during high school
Got harassed a lot by people who are stronger and much popular than me. If its not physical, its mental. I was bullied verbally much more than physically. I don't have bruised and shit. But I will lie on my bed at night and think of all the insults thrown at me. This is what fucks me up.
That's why I start to involve martial arts. Don't want to look freaking weak infront of people & wanna them to stay away from me. Thought I'd change their mind once I got selected for school team. Nope, never.
It doesn't help that all my 'friends' from back then are toxic as hell. I was in their circle just so I can be the butt of the joke. You want to make fun of someone? Make fun of this girl. She's just gonna smile and not retaliate coz god kid y u no stand up for yourself. I've been in many fuck up situations.. even wonder why me?
I still remember how all the boys keep harrasing me even I never ever get involve with them. I wonder why they hate me so much even they could destroy my table at class, stealing my albums, & even sending weird message and stuff. Is it because I'm ugly??
My others friends? The other girls? Spreading rumors that pointing me as a bad girl. U know what most broken of me is.. all my batch during that time ignore me and left me out. Yes if you all read this my highschoolmate, you are one of them. And whoever you are calling I'm your bestfriend during that time, you're the most bitches among them. You are the one who start & blame it all me. Stabbing me.. shitttt now I realize all those things & I will never ever forget it..
Anyway, I can feel that they still think I am a freak. They all look at me funny; like they gave me this judging, disgusted look. So I will always have this voice in my head telling me that I am unwanted. Years of bullying crushed my self esteem. Ppl try to convince me they are cool having me around but sorry if I don't trust you. For those think why I'm being silent after highschool, because of that.. I hate my highschool, because all of them are fake as hell (not all of them). You look all off things during that time like a joke isn't it? Nope its not a joke at all..
It makes me overthink a lot. Mainly about other people's perception of me. Do they think I am weird? They're badmouthing me is it? Are they joking when they include me in their circle?
I can relate. I only realize about healthy friendship only during my degree's years. Only then i realize that people dont judge me solely on how i look.
Sorry this is depressing. But it feels good to let it out sometimes. I'm good now.
Thursday 5 April 2018
KECEWA
Kecewa? Ye. Sangat.. Frust? Ye. Sangat. Sbb apa? sbb letak kepercayaan dan harapan dekat orang yang salah. Tak tahu kat mana silap, tak tahu apa lagi perlu buat.. mungkin ada kot..
Lepas jatuh, bangun dan jatuh lagi.. kali ni terpaksa bangun sendiri.. terpaksa kuat untuk diri sendri.. sebab takde org nk bangun kan kau balik.. manusia ni dia akan ada sekejap je dalam hidup seorang. Well yes.. takde org yg akan ade selalu dgn kau.. atas dunia dh cmni.. kt akhirat lagi la. Masuk kubur pn nanti sensorang wei..
Tak kuat tapi berlagak kuat.. redha? Tak sbb susah nak terima.. nekad? Nope.. rapuh sebenarnya. Tapi sampai bila nak berharap dekat orang? Sampai dikecewakan lagi dan lagi.. ye.. sekarang boleh lagi.. kau tunggu dlm seminggu ni, dia punya tahap broken tu cmne boleh pergi.. thats why decide untuk close akaun media social.. Media social is racun.. that's why aku tutup except fb sbb sumber nak cari kerja kt situ..
I'm a girl that lose everything.. everything.. sampai skrg mencari punca & jalan hidup. Lepas satu satu.. hahahaha am I deserve for that? Mungkin kifarah, mungkin sebab dosa.. sampai pernah rasa kenapa kejam sangat Allah bagi aku rasa semua ni tapi ye, kau kena sedar mungkin sbb kau mampu.. mungkin sbb Allah nk kau tahu kau dh makin lupa Dia.. dan kau makin banyak dosa yang kau sendiri tak pernah nak taubat.
Masa susah dan sedih baru nak cari Allah.. Manusia tu pendosa azali.. yg paling teruk bila kau manusia tapi kau tak rasa diri kau berdosa. Tu kau kena gi rawat & check hati balik..
Kalau kau baca blog aku mostly semua pasal broken. Sikit je positif.. sbb tu ni namanya BLOG AKU.. i told already this blog is my story.. my diary.. ape yg aku rasa aku akan luah dkt sini.. so ikut suka hati la aku nak tulis ape.. blog aku.. in the negative story, I realize I should be positive.. thats how I build myself.. so shut your fuck mouth.. this is mine.. what mine is mine..
Lepas jatuh, bangun dan jatuh lagi.. kali ni terpaksa bangun sendiri.. terpaksa kuat untuk diri sendri.. sebab takde org nk bangun kan kau balik.. manusia ni dia akan ada sekejap je dalam hidup seorang. Well yes.. takde org yg akan ade selalu dgn kau.. atas dunia dh cmni.. kt akhirat lagi la. Masuk kubur pn nanti sensorang wei..
Tak kuat tapi berlagak kuat.. redha? Tak sbb susah nak terima.. nekad? Nope.. rapuh sebenarnya. Tapi sampai bila nak berharap dekat orang? Sampai dikecewakan lagi dan lagi.. ye.. sekarang boleh lagi.. kau tunggu dlm seminggu ni, dia punya tahap broken tu cmne boleh pergi.. thats why decide untuk close akaun media social.. Media social is racun.. that's why aku tutup except fb sbb sumber nak cari kerja kt situ..
I'm a girl that lose everything.. everything.. sampai skrg mencari punca & jalan hidup. Lepas satu satu.. hahahaha am I deserve for that? Mungkin kifarah, mungkin sebab dosa.. sampai pernah rasa kenapa kejam sangat Allah bagi aku rasa semua ni tapi ye, kau kena sedar mungkin sbb kau mampu.. mungkin sbb Allah nk kau tahu kau dh makin lupa Dia.. dan kau makin banyak dosa yang kau sendiri tak pernah nak taubat.
Masa susah dan sedih baru nak cari Allah.. Manusia tu pendosa azali.. yg paling teruk bila kau manusia tapi kau tak rasa diri kau berdosa. Tu kau kena gi rawat & check hati balik..
Kalau kau baca blog aku mostly semua pasal broken. Sikit je positif.. sbb tu ni namanya BLOG AKU.. i told already this blog is my story.. my diary.. ape yg aku rasa aku akan luah dkt sini.. so ikut suka hati la aku nak tulis ape.. blog aku.. in the negative story, I realize I should be positive.. thats how I build myself.. so shut your fuck mouth.. this is mine.. what mine is mine..
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